Oh My God!

I cannot believe it! Some inconsiderate dumb a** wrote an incosiderate comment on my last entry. I was complaining about family, you b******! And you dare to wrote a commercial for a comment on that?!!!

HAH!

Why oh why?

Why oh why? I wonder why.

I should have known it was a f****** dream. I should have known it would f****** happens. Why would it be? Every dreams and hope (lately) just turned to dust of fairy goneby. Why can't I read the signs?

What so bad about spending family time together? Why wouldn't my dad spend money for that? He gives everything for his siblings etc. Why can't he spend money on us? Is it because we are dispensable? Is it because he thinks we are oblige to love him no matter what? Well, I am NOT oblige to love anyone. There is no such thing as f****** unconditional love. Love IS ALWAYS conditional.

D*** it! My parents are so good in letting people the hardest way ever. They would just let me float my a** off to the sky with a f****** baloon of hope. Then they shoot the d*** baloon off, and let me fall so hard to he ground that I would be buried six feet under. Or worst break into pieces.

I should HAVE f****** known!!! It was just too good to be f****** true. We were to finally spend time together again after the last trip to Bali. God, I hope I leave soon. I can't take it anymore. This family is screwed!

Whatever. I don't care. I AM GOING.

I am going to Singapore with or without you.

Diary of A Mad US Grand Prix

What ever happen this morning (or last afternoon in America)? I woke up this morning remembering some glimpse of a six-cars race. At first, I thought it was a dream. Or I was to occuppied playing some grand prix game, that I still remembering the scenes from the game. But no, it was real. It was real, I tell ya. And it was one bizzare grand prix. For as long as I've became an F1 fans, I don't, I NEVER recall that this had happen before.

It all started at the Friday free practice session. The tyres of Ralf Schumacher's Toyota gave away because of the speed at turn 13. This accident caused the Michelin people to doubt wheter their product is safe and good to go for the grand prix. One thing led to another, and they demanded that a chicane is build at the turn 13, to slow down the cars, so the risk of another tyre failure is minimized. The FIA (and Bernie Ecks too, mind you, that money grabbing dictactor) did not give in to the demand. The start was delayed, but all cars were on the grid. The fans was cheering (I was too). The warm-up lap goes underway. But alas, to no avail, the Michelin runners (cars that used Michelin tyres) turn into the pit lane entry at the end of it. And there they were six cars on the grid, the two Ferraris, the two Jordans, and the two Minardis. All were Bridgestone runners. The crowd was startled. I was startled. Could this be true? A six-cars race? But then, as soon the six of them lined up on the grid, the five red are lighted and the race begun.

I was shocked, so does the crowd. I was appalled, so does the crowd (a water bottle thrown into the track prooved that point). The crowd chanting, wanting their money back. I was laughing hysterically, wanting my sleeping time back. This is what I wake up for? A six-cars race? A race so predictable, that you didn't need to watch the struggle, instead just the front and the back. A race so pathetic that I do not have the desire to watch, even as a self-proclaimed hard-core Ferrari fans (and Ruben Barichello too). A race so bemusing, it still feels like I was dreaming of a nightmare last night.

Alas, it was not a dream. It was real. It was real, I tell ya. As real as the pain in my forehead, from repeated slaps from my hand, it was not a nightmare. It was real, REAL, I tell ya. The most bizzare, pathetic, confusing, and oh-so-not-cool race ever. Was it the FIA mistake (for not giving in)? Bernie Ecks (that money grabbing dictactor, for being money grabbing dictactor)? Michelin (for a lack of quality)? Bridgestone (for whatever they do)? Michelin teams (for deciding not to race and forfeit points)? Bridgestone teams (for staying put on the track even thou' it was spelled disaster)? Well, one thing for sure, it was so bizzare that it would rather be forgotten. And another thing for sure, the fans, the crowd, and the drivers of Michelin teams was the victim of this schmagance (chaos, disaster, freak - red).

I WAS THE VICTIM, DAMN IT.

So does Jarno Trulli and his pole position. I'm sorry Jarno, best of luck next time. Peace and god bless.

Damn!

I finaly realized what my dad is trying to do!

He was so bitchy about my cousin who is staying with us for a few days. And he was soooo annoying about him being the oldest, he didn't stay at home (he has a few days off), he's running away from his responsibility, bla bla bla. I was just soooooo furious about it. I thought he's just trying to make someone misreable just because he feel misreable, he's soooo mean, etc.

Then it hit me. He was dumping his frustation on him. His youngest sister and her son are in town, because her son has a uni entrance test. And he wants them to stay here at our house. But because my cousin is here, he couldn't invite them. So he dump all his anger on him. He's always like that. Building up anger then try to justified his anger toward people, even when they are innocence, not guilty. Gosh! I can't believe it! Can you believe it?

I'm sooooo not liking him right now. I just want to shout "shut the f*** up!". But of course I can't do that. Cause that would cause a bigger problem. Then he would make sure that I would suffer. Then he would recite all my past mistakes. Then he would make me feel guilty about it. And if I don't appologize, then he would degrade me.

Believe me...I live with this man for more than 20 years. What do you think makes me goes downhill on depression lane? Him!!! And he won't believe that it's his fault! Feels like living with Hitler.

Because I'm a queen

VIDEO
by India.Arie

Sometimes I shave my legs and sometimes I don’t
Sometimes I comb my hair and sometimes I won’t
Depend on how the wind blows I might even paint my toes
It really just depends on whatever feels good in my soul

I’m not the average girl from your video
And I ain’t built like a supermodel
But, I learned to love myself unconditionally
Because I am a queen
I’m not the average girl from your video
My worth is not determined by the price of my clothes
No matter what I’m wearing I will always be india arie

When I look in the mirror the only one there is me
Every freckle on my face is where it’s supposed to be
And I know our creator didn’t make no mistakes on me
My feet, my thighs, my lips, my eyes; I’m lovin’ what I see

I’m not the average girl from your video
And I ain’t built like a supermodel
But, I learned to love myself unconditionally
Because I am a queen
I’m not the average girl from your video
My worth is not determined by the price of my clothes
No matter what I’m wearing I will always be india arie

Am I less of a lady if I don’t wear pantyhose?
My mama said a lady ain’t what she wears but, what she knows
But, I’ve drawn a conclusion, it’s all an illusion, confusion’s the name of the game
A misconception, a vast deception
Something’s gotta change
Don’t be offended this is all my opinion
Ain’t nothing that I’m sayin law
This is a true confession of a life learned lesson I was sent here to share wit y’all
So get in where you fit in go on and shine
Free your mind, now’s the time
Put your salt on the shelf
Go on and love yourself’cuz everything’s gonna be all right

I’m not the average girl from your video
And I ain’t built like a supermodel
But, I learned to love myself unconditionally
Because I am a queen
I’m not the average girl from your video
My worth is not determined by the price of my clothes
No matter what I’m wearing I will always be india arie

Keep your fancy drinks and your expensive minks
I don’t need that to have a good time
Keep your expensive car and your caviar
All I need is my guitar
Keep your crisp style and your pistol
I’d rather have a pretty piece of crystal
Don’t need your silicon I prefer my own
What God gave me is just fine

I’m not the average girl from your video
And I ain’t built like a supermodel
But, I learned to love myself unconditionally
Because I am a queen
I’m not the average girl from your video
My worth is not determined by the price of my clothes
No matter what I’m wearing I will always be india arie

Disclaimer
The lyric are copyrighted by its' righteous owner
Courtesy of LyricsFreak.com

I Will Be Me (Greater Reason)

I believe I'm here for a greater reason
To be able to give to others
It may not be in a form of a nobel prize for peace
Or a cure for AIDS
I do believe I am able to do it
Serving food that give others joy
Seeing the happy faces when tasting the food
It is not about the revelation of the deed
But to do the deed with passion and determination
I may not be a PHd
With stars and honors
I may just be a chef or a decorator
But at least I'm happy and satisfied
That way I can give myself 100%
Because I have a self to give
I'm not a empty case anymore
But a person with soul and will
Also passion and dreams
I'm not just a reflection of others
But a true spirit of myself
Years ahead may not be a comfort journey
But I know I will have my reward
A happy and satisfied person
With dreams and passion
A compassionate and loving person
With all myself to give
At the end of the journey
I will be me
And me only

Weird Dream

How weird is it if you dreamt having an elephant as your pet? Not those jumbo-mega-gray creatures ... the tiny version of it. And it bites. Literally ... it bites my index finger. It's good thing it's the mini version. Imagine if it's the real size elephant ... next thing I know I only have four fingers. Anyhoo ... in my dream, the tiny elephant grew so fast just by feeding it with lettuce. Weird huh? I remember the dream vividly because it seems so real ... the house and everything.

...

Weird.

...

Totally.

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PS. Congrates to Jarno Trulli for securing the driver seat at Toyota F1 Racing Team. May all the best with you and may the words of the tech director are truthfully true (regarding equal partner and all). And may BAR Honda will grab the no. 2 Constructor (sp?) title. Hurrah.