Blast from the past

So what do you with your past if it comes knocking on the door? Do you confront it? Do you embrace it? Do you...throw stones at it? Do you run from it? Do you hide from it? Me, I still have trouble deciding what to do. Sometimes I want to run and hide. Sometimes I just want to throw stones or something at it. But never was I confront it or even embrace it. I was too scare, too frightened, to be able to look it on the eye.

Well, one of my past just blast in yesterday (hence the title). It came so sudden, unexpected. I was browsing friendster just the other day. Clicking around on my kindegarten-elementary-junior-school page, when I saw someone I know from school time. He was this popular guy, not my crush but I had some encounter with him. I click his pix to get to his profile page. And there it was...on his list of friends, my old flame. The guy I proclaimed my first love, smiling in his pix. 'Damn' was my first reaction, 'I didn't expect this', was my second. Then while keep cursing (silently of course, didn't want to upset anyone), I click his smilling pic. The curiosity got the better of me.

So...I read his profile and found out that he's married and his job. Then I read the testimonials and found out his wife's name. Also he's a daddy-to-be. And I was...like...well, blasted. 'Damn' I said again. 'He has a good life' I said silently. Then I was...upset, unbalanced, or whatever. I didn't like that, for sure. I was ticked that he's having a good life when a couple of years ago he broke my heart. Wait, did he? Yeah, he did. He broke it with the worst possible scenario a broken heart could have.

I've been broken hearted before him. It was harsh, hard, and cruel. The guy totally reject me in the cruelest way. I was angry, gutted, pissed, and vowed for revenge. But it was the easy way out of love. It's like having your wound ripped even wider. But instead making it worse, it healed faster. I have no grunge or what-so-ever with that guy. But this guy...he didn't reject me, dissed me, or did something harsh. He was nice, friendly, kind, etc. At that time, I was so damn in love, so...so...in 7th heaven, so...so...on cloud nine, I thought there's something behind his niceness. I mistaken the signal...I thought I had hope, but he was just being nice.

It was the worst. It feels like you're flying with wings, frolicking between the clouds...then *poof* the wings are gone and you're falling down. But the fall feels like taking forever. And even when you hit the ground, you're still going even lower. The detox took almost 5 years. And it was costly...for me.

To be continued...